Let’s Talk About Sex Ed – Plus Ruby Rare’s Awesome Sex Ed Book!

Today we received a very awesome delivery in the post. I opened the package to reveal a gorgeous pink and gold book entitled Sex Ed by the most awesome Ruby Rare. I’ve been waiting for this book to arrive and even at first glance it doesn’t disappoint! As soon as I opened the pages, I started to think about my own sex education, as well as the education I hope we can provide for our children…

Let’s Talk About Sex Ed

I remember being quite young and not really understanding the supposed insult if being called a ‘virgin’ or ‘frigid’, or not understanding the meaning of (or the gesture for) the word ‘wank’. I remember just feeling quite lost as I grew up in a world where kids in the playground whispered ‘naughty words’ and I tried my best to blend in, pretending I knew what the hell they were talking about!

My version of sex education was probably like most kids growing up in the 80’s and 90’s. Picture a giggly classroom full of girls, bananas and condoms, and you kinda get the idea…

I was in my teens when I discovered something much more interesting than sticky bananas, though. I discovered my mother’s copy of Madonna’s SEX book, as well as several saucy movies in her DVD collection. I remember pouring over the book and sneakily watching the movies with my friend. I remember looking at the photos of Madonna and Naomi Campbell (if you know, you know) and thinking, ‘I know a bit more than those kids at school now, eh?’ But I’m not sure I fully understood it all, even though I felt empowered by its gorgeous photography and honest portrayal of sex.

I still went into the world of sex not really understand it all, and I guess to a certain extent, we can’t know it all… BUT, I do remember feeling shame for certain things, for feeling that I should hide my sexuality, or hide my pleasures, or simply fit into the box society had created regarding sex and sexuality back in the day.

If you’ve read my other post, you’ll know I ‘came out’ in my late teens, when I didn’t really understand my own feelings around sexuality. I often felt confused, alone and without guidance, but now I’m a parent, my job is to focus on my children not feeling that as hard as I did. Don’t get me wrong, I think part of our journey might always have that moment of feeling completely different to those around us, but I hope I can ease this feeling and normalise all the things they feel along the way (IF they want me to help, obviously!).

My Children’s Sex Education

Zoey and I have always maintained the agreed parenting response to any question asked of us by the children: age appropriate responses…

We will always answer our children’s questions with honesty, but always at an age appropriate level. When they were younger, they’d often find the answer they needed and then move on whilst we continued to chatter about birth and making babies… Now, as they hit double figures, the responses are a lot more detailed, because so are the questions!

I know for a fact, I’m much happier dealing with these questions than leaving it to their peers or other adults to ‘teach’ them. I want to be honest with my children, both about my own experiences and the experiences of others. We don’t discuss sex ed in a heterosexual way, and we never have. We also don’t talk about sex being linked to just love, or masturbation being shameful. We might have a giggle because they find something funny (especially when we read Where Willy Went), but this is much better than brushing these conversations under the carpet.

These are some of the things we focus on when they ask a question regarding sex:

• Honesty
• Age appropriateness (we decide this based on their understanding, not just their age in figures)
• What they’re consuming (I’d prefer to talk about adverts or movies with innuendos rather than ignore or skim over it)
• Taking away shame (Ruby’s phrase ‘solo sex’ is a big hit compared to masturbation in this house)
• Listening as well as talking
• Breaking things down into bite sized chunks
• Being inclusive (not everyone is straight, not everyone gets married, not everyone has kids)

The conversations we have are very bite-size and honest, and I also think it’s important to leave room for more questions… And I also make sure I don’t laugh at their queries, I do not want them to feel shame for having any thoughts or feelings, and I also want them to feel safe in the knowledge they can ask me anything without judgement.

Ruby Rare’s Sex Ed

Even just skimming through Sex Ed by Ruby Rare has made me realise how far the world has come in terms of sex ed, thanks to fabulous people like her. Sex Ed is refreshing, beautifully illustrated, all kinds of inclusive, and the writing is basically like listening or talking to Ruby in real life.

I feel safe delving into her book and learning more than I’ve ever learnt about sex. I feel better when I read about taking away the shame that comes with fantasies, or the huge chunk of info on solo sex. It’s just a massive breath of fresh air, and a tool I will 100% encourage my children to read as they grow older.

So thank you, Ruby. Because Before we continue exploring sex education with our own children, we should probably try our best to undo the awful sex ed of our own adolescence…

And this book will do just that!

I picked up our copy from Bookshop and a percentage of sales goes to independent book stores!

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