How to Plan the Perfect LGBTQ+ Wedding (UK)
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Zoey and I are completely obsessed with renewing our wedding vows; the chance for her to be a bride and wear a big dress would be a dream come true. But, when it comes to planning the perfect LGBTQ+ wedding, there’s a lot to think about!
But don’t worry, we’ve got your back!
We’ve popped together a detailed guide of all the areas you might want to consider, from the planning stage, to injecting the rainbow into your big day, right up to the honeymoon period. We’ve also included a checklist, so you can keep on top of your plans!
How to Plan the Perfect LGBTQ+ Wedding
The History of Same Sex Marriage
It feels weird to think that same sex marriage has only been legal since 2013. This means that if Zoey had come out as transgender before then, we wouldn’t have been able to get married when we did in 2008. It’s not even been 10 years since the bill passed, but we’re so glad it was!
You can see from the graphic below what a long journey it has been to get to where we are now. It’s amazing how we can bring this change about, it’s just a shame it’s taken so long for this kind of equality to be law.
Now let’s move on to the fun stuff…
The Proposal & Engagement Period
This is probably the most exciting time of all. The proposal of marriage, and the time before anyone else knows, is blissful. We didn’t have a big proposal, we just constantly asked each other, ‘Will you marry me?’, until one day we found ourselves at the register office in Cardiff, signing up for a wedding 3 months later. It was a whirlwind romance, but here we are, nearly 12 years later!
The most important advice we can give to you when it comes to a proposal of marriage is, do it your way. There’s no right or wrong on this one, and the person you’re asking won’t care how you go about doing it, because they love you!
So, sprinkle the bed with rainbow rose petals, propose mid air whilst sky diving, or simply ask each other, every second of every day. Love doesn’t require expensive gestures, it just requires wholesome hearts…
But, if you’re looking for a queer edge to your proposal, then we have some quirky ideas for you!
- Propose on a special day, such as an anniversary or Pride event
- Propose at a special place, such as the beach or a spot you both visit regularly
- Get friends and family involved if you’d like to make a big event of it
- Or keep it small and intimate if that suits you
- Bring out the rainbows or other LGBTQ flags
- Get your pets or children involved
Once you’ve proposed and your love has said yes, you can easily take some time to live in the blissful privacy of your engagement. I know, you want to shout it from the rooftops, but sometimes it’s a nice idea to sit in the blissful joy of your love.
Announcing Your Engagement
Announcing your engagement can be both exciting and stressful. The pressure to please everyone (and by that I mean, invite everyone to your wedding) can feel overwhelming, but remember, it’s your day.
You can tell the whole world about your engagement, but you have no obligation to invite them all to your wedding day celebrations. Take your time and give yourself a break if it starts to feel overwhelming.
Negative Reactions
As part of the LGBTQ+ community, we will sadly always come up against people who don’t approve of our ‘lifestyles’ or who we fall in love with. If this happens when you announce your engagement, it’s up to you to decide whether you continue on the path with those negative relationships.
Remember, this should be a happy time, not one full of sadness or judgement.
Wedding Planning & Events
Now it’s time to start planning! I don’t know about you, but I love a good list, so the planning stage is always super exciting. If you don’t like to plan, you could hire a wedding planner, to save you from the stress. But, if you’re like me, then planning can be super fun, and it means you get to be in complete control of your big day.
Planning can be really helpful when it comes to what you both want to do, and how much it will cost. Plus, you might want to consider attending bridal shows, and/or investing in a wedding planner to keep track.
LGBTQ+ wedding planning can reveal so many hidden gems, from fantastic photographers to inclusive venues. Trust us, it’s worth the research!
LGBTQ+ Wedding shows
It’s such a joy to see the rise of LGBTQ+ wedding fairs spreading across the UK. Here are some places you can check out to find out more about wedding shows and events:
Wedding Planners
Wedding planners can really help you to organise your time, budget and plan all the things that are important to you both. It’s also a lovely wait to remember al the hard work and effort you put into such a wonderful time of your life.
Here are some suggestions:
- Your Pocket Wedding Planner
- The Essential DIY Wedding Planner
- The Wedding Planner
- The Ultimate Wedding Planner & Organiser
You can also download this handy checklist to keep on top of your wedding day preparations…
Planning & Budget
It’s essential to make sure you plan everything, especially if you’re on a tight budget. We had hardly any money to spend on our wedding day, so we had to plan everything in detail, as well as ask for a few favours.
Here are some ideas for how you can budget and cut back on your wedding day:
- Ask family and friends to support you
- Make your invitations, favours and decorations
- Do your research online to find the best deals
- Use the register office for your ceremony
- Keep it simple
Guest list
It might seem like a great idea to invite everyone and their uncle, but be realistic with numbers. If you’re experiencing transphobia or homophobia, then you really need to consider whether these people deserve a place ‘at your table’.
Your day should be full of light and laughter, not judgement and abuse. Focus on the people who lift you up and accept you and your partner for who you both are.
Invitations
We had a lot of fun creating our own wedding invitations for our big day. Making DIY wedding invites can be so much fun, and you can make them coordinate with your colour scheme.
I still remember sitting together in our little flat, creating personalised invitations. It was a massive pre-wedding highlight. You could also go one step further and bring out the rainbow in your invitations, because you should be so proud of who you both are.
Hen/Stag Do
The traditional Hen and Stag do’s can be replaced by language of your choosing. If you want to use this lingo, go for it, but it’s your pre-wedding party, so you can call it whatever you like!
The key to everything is to remember, this is about you and the love you share. So, have a fancy dress theme, hit the local gay bars, have a pj and pizza party. Whatever you do, just do you!
Tradition – Should it stay or should it go?
One important factor of LGBTQ+ weddings. is the decision to keep or scrap certain traditions.
Traditional roles
Think about it, do we need to create textbook weddings anymore?! Even at our wedding, my Dad gave me away, but my Mom read a speech. We don’t have to stick to traditions like these, especially when we’re already shaking up the heterosexual narrative.
If you want ‘brides men’ or ‘best women’ or even just ‘brides people’ and ‘best people’, do it! If you both want to wear dresses or both suit up, do it. Break out of the norm, because it’s one day and you can’t go back and change it!
Names
It’s also important to think about names. Will you take one person’s name? Will you keep yours? Will you go from Miss to Mrs or Ms? These are essential to your plan, because it will all be in the documentation. There’s no right or wrong way, just your way.
Dress
Deciding what you’ll both wear can be fun and also quite stressful. The most important thing to do is be yourself, so wear what makes you smile and don’t worry about anything else!
Wedding Gifts
A really nice way of celebrating your wedding is receiving gifts, right? But you could also consider asking for donations to charities, such as Mermaids or Stonewall. You could even support a small business and ask for gifts from LGBTQ shops, such as KelZo Jewellery who donate 20% of Pride Collection Profits to LGBTQ+ charities.
Rings
The truth is, we don’t need rings to be married, but it’s a lovely addition. Equalli have some absolutely gorgeous queer jewellery, and looking at their site is making me desperate to start our own wedding planning!
Speeches & Readings
As we said before, these parts of the day are rooted in tradition, but we do not have to adhere to it. Having different people give speeches or read poetry, or even give you away, is perfectly fine, as long as it works for you.
Bring the Rainbow
Why not really celebrate the pride you feel for your marriage by bringing out the rainbows? From decorations to invitations, to items of clothing, the rainbow can bring a whole happy vibe to a queer wedding.
The Big Day
Find the Perfect Venue
Finding the perfect venue is key to an enjoyable day, but don’t let it ruin your happiness if you can’t attain perfection. Find somewhere LGBTQ+ inclusive, a place that will welcome you all with open arms.
Same Sex Wedding Guide has lots of helpful venue information, so you can find the perfect place to say, ‘I do.’
Accessibility & Inclusivity
When you’re searching for a venue, try to keep in mind who will be attending. Checking for access for wheelchair users, for example. As well as this, think about language, and your guest’s preferred pronouns.
It would be so painful for a guest to be misgendered via their invitation or table placement.
Really think about who you’re inviting, and what additional needs or special care they may require, it will make your day even more special and inclusive.
Decorations
This is where the real fun begins! Decorating for your wedding day can be as simple or as detailed as you like. You could go with a simple colour scheme, or as mentioned before, you could bring out the Pride flags! Imagine the beautiful array of colours you could use to create a beautiful queer wedding party?!
Think about:
- Place names
- Wall decorations
- Table decorations
- Flowers
- Lighting
What to wear
When it comes to wedding attire, anything goes. You shouldn’t feel tied to a dress just because you’re a woman, for example. Same sex marriages can explore gender roles any way they like, from dresses to tailored suits, to matching outfits, don’t feel boxed in by society’s ideas of what a queer couple should look like.
Hair & Make-Up
Finding someone to create a hair and make-up look you love can make you feel like a King or a Queen! That’s if you don’t do it yourself, if course, which is perfectly fine. But, if you do want someone else to do this for you, then it’s essential to find someone you can trust.
Jecca Blac is a perfect example of an all inclusive make-up brand, and the kind of company perfect for a queer wedding.
Photographers
Finding a great photographer can take time, but it’s all about finding someone who can capture your day in the way you want to remember it. You also want to be super comfortable in front of them, almost as if they’re just another wonderful guest at your wedding.
Your chosen photographer should be supportive of LGBTQ+ wedding, and supportive of you, on a personal level, too!
Here are some we suggest checking out:
Favours
Choosing the favours for the wedding can be a fun activity, and there are so many different variations. From sweets to keepsakes, there are so many ideas, all perfect for your LGBTQ+ wedding.
Choose something that suits you and your partner, or match them to your colour scheme. If you can combine these two, then you’re onto a winner!
Some ideas might include:
- Rainbow candy
- A soundtrack from the day
- A mason jar recipe
- A pride flag or badge
- Handmade soap
- Mini terrarium
Let them eat cake!
Cake is just the best part of any wedding, am I right?! But seriously, creating the perfect cake to symbolise your love can be such a gorgeous way to celebrate. Rainbow cakes for LGBTQ+ weddings always look so glorious, and they symbolise the strength and power of queer relationships.
Ultimately, the cake you both fall in love with is the cake you shall have. Back in the day when we were married, we ended up using Sainsbury’s points to buy a bunch different cakes because we didn’t have the budget for someone to make us one. It all tasted so good, and we have a funny memory to look back on.
Honeymoon
Whether you ‘honeymoon’ or not, taking some time to bask in the glory of your nuptials can be a really beautiful thing. We didn’t have a honeymoon, but we did spend a few days enjoying the local Winter Wonderland, and it was completely magical.
You could book a week or two away, have a Staycation, or get away locally for a few nights. Focus on what works for you and within your budget.
How to Really Rock Your Queer Wedding
There’s so much advice we can give, tips and tricks, and ways to embrace your same sex marriage, but ultimately there’s only one way to do it right…
We hope you’ve found this guide to LGBTQ+ weddings useful, please share with anyone who you think may enjoy it too. Don’t forget to check out our LGBTQ+ page for more resources.
Love us xxx
