What is it Like to Undergo Transgender GRS Surgery?

As a transgender woman, I have been wanting this surgery for many years. As with everything I can only give my own opinion and personal experience, but this is what it was like for me when I had my transgender GRS surgery.

The journey to hospital

I hadn’t really thought too much about my upcoming surgery in the lead up to the date. I kept myself busy and distracted and and didn’t really take the time to process all of the emotions and feelings around what I was about to go through. I consumed myself with work, making jewellery, writing, cleaning the house, whatever I could to not have to worry.

I rode up in the car with mum and her friend. It seemed to take forever, and as we got closer, I felt all the feelings that I had been supressing coming to the surface. Now, I had to come off my oestrogen for a month leading up to the surgery, so my head was a bit of a mess any way, but as we got closer and closer, I could feel the anxiety building. I was filled with fear that it might not go well and something would happen to me, I found myself repeatedly questioning myself internally whether I was making the right decision or not. There were so many thoughts and emotions that I had barely any grasp on that I had to simply take deep breaths to try and calm myself.

These feelings are so normal, it is a huge thing to be going through and no matter how sure I was of myself and the journey I was on, the fear demons nibbled away at me when I had nothing to keep me busy.

Checking into Hospital

We pulled into the carpark and my heart was pounding, I honestly thought I was about to pass out! But I didn’t. I calmed myself down and focussed on what I needed to do, stage by stage. I got out of the car and grabbed my belongings with a little help from mum. We made our way around to the front of the hospital, my heart almost beating out of my chest as we approached the entrance. We made our way in and I spoke to the receptionist. I had a form to complete and sign and within moments we were shown to my room.

Everything felt so surreal, like I was watching it all on TV or something. I couldn’t take any information in. Someone popped in asking what I wanted for dinner and then breakfast the next day. I didn’t have a clue! I felt so bombarded with information about the room, people asking abut food and drink, nurses and consultants explaining what will be happening the following morning, if I would’ve had any oestrogen in me I would’ve wept all over the place.

Mum and her friend left and I got comfortable watching some evening TV.

The Night Before

After having some food and trying to chill out a bit, I had no idea what to do. I knew my surgery was around 8am the following day so I should probably get some sleep, but my brain was on overdrive. I felt in shock, and again that surreal feeling overwhelmed me, like this wasn’t really happening to me. I had been waiting so long for this day, and it was finally here. I didn’t think it would ever happen in all honesty, and when I was finally in that moment, I had no idea how to process all the thoughts and feelings.

I shut the lights off, closed my eyes, and after a little tossing and turning, finally drifted off.

The Morning of

I was woken at around 6am, had my obs taken to make sure I was still healthy enough to go ahead with the operation and then had the opportunity to shower and change into the hospital gown. I felt a bit strange in the shower, knowing that it would be the last time I would see my body parts in that way and from that day, my whole life would be changing. I could’ve thrown up!

All of a sudden the room was filled with people and I was ushered off the bed. They gave me my pillow and asked me to hold it as they walked me to the lift and down to surgery. I was laid on a bed whilst the anaesthetist talked to me and someone else attached a load of wires to me. A canular was placed into a vein in my left hand and I was told I would get a small dose of something first. As it took effect, I felt relaxed and calm, it was a pretty good feeling. Then I was told that the anaesthetic would be administered and I should lay back and relax with my eyes open. I tried to focus on the feeling but there was nothing really to describe. As I laid there, I stared at the ceiling wondering when it would kick in, before I had a chance to consider anything more I was out.

Waking up After Surgery

I woke up in what seemed like seconds later, to someone checking on me and was then wheeled back to my room in bed. I felt so utterly confused and have no idea what real physical feelings I had. Back in my room I managed to find the words to ask for my phone so I could let mum know I was okay. To be fair though, even though I managed to call her, I made no sense whatsoever! I was checked by a number of people before I was left to watch some Saturday daytime TV and come round from the anaesthetic. I had morphine on a button explained to me so I automatically gave myself a dose, but realistically couldn’t feel anything any way apart from pressure so probably didn’t need it.

The whole experience up to this point was intensely surreal, but I got through it. Keep checking back for the next chapter in my journey with what my first week of recovery from transgender GRS surgery was like.

Thank you for reading this post. Why not check out some of my other posts like 5 Things to Help Ahead of Your Transgender GRS Surgery you can also access more info on my Resources Page. If you found it useful, you can buy a coffee or perhaps treat yourself to some KelZo Jewellery to say thanks! Don’t forget to follow on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, and you can also donate to Zoey’s fundraiser.