Coming Out as Transgender in the Music Industry

Back in 2018 when I was worrying about how I would ever come out as Transgender, amongst the worries I had was how would I be received as a Transgender Singer.

Read on to find out more about my experience.

Coming Out as Transgender in the Music Industry

Not only did I have the concerns about how Kelly (my wife) and also George and Molly (our children) would react when I came out, I was also worried about the other aspects in my life.

I had read so many articles, blogs etc where the person coming out would lose everything, their jobs, friends and family would disown them. I did not want this to be me and it put me off coming out for so long.

I however was one of the lucky ones. Kelly was extremely supportive as you’ll be able to find out through our other posts and videos, and the children only wanted me to be happy. My workplace and University dealt with things really respectfully and professionally and made the changes I need to process really easy. Then came facing the band.

I had been frontman to a hard rock band that had been together for a few years and were actively gigging and recording. Music has always been such a big part of who I am and I really did not want to give it up, so as I came out to each band member (one at a time) I reassured them that I did not want to change me, just my appearance and how I felt about myself and my body. I have never wanted my singing voice to change, (maybe get better!) and hoped that we could work things out together and that hopefully the fans we had would be in support.

There was definitely some apprehension with them but they were willing to try, and we discussed how my appearance would change moving forward. We agreed that things would move at my pace and I would make any changes I needed to for my own well-being and the band would work around that. We had a typically rock image, all in black with flashes of red to tie together our branding, and this suited me fine. I have always loved the rock look and had no intention of changing my image (except for the department I would shop in!).

We put out an announcement on our social media channels explaining how things were going to change and the reception was overwhelming. Our fans did not have a concern, other than my happiness, and were quick to show their love for me regardless of my gender.

At the first show after coming out I was not presenting fully as a female, first of all I did not have any clothes yet, and secondly, I WAS TERRIFIED! I wore a little eye make up and nail polish, and a checked pink shirt with my typical black attire. I left the show feeling a little more confident but also unsatisfied and a bit of a fraud. From that point on I decided that I would be all me, or not at all, and (much to the dismay of a couple of band members) sought a nw image that would be more feminine and enable me to discover who I was to be on stage.

After a few more shows and lots of support, I began to develop my stage image to what it is today; big poofy black skirt, corset and top, funky/rocky boots and red hair! I was figuring myself out each and every time and my confidence and stage presence was truly blossoming now that I could be who I was always supposed to be.

Wigs were a nightmare on stage but a vital part of helping me look and feel more feminine as my hair grew underneath. They were hot, uncomfortable and I was always worried as they would move about when I was rocking out on stage. My make up was also a concern, I had not had any hair removal on my face (other than shaving) and was still figuring out my make up regime. Trying to cover up the hair growth and shadow and making sure it stayed covered as I profusely sweated throughout the shows was always a challenge, getting the right make up and coverage has taken me a long time! Read about the products and techniques I am using now here.

Less than a year passed by and unfortunately the band decided that I would no longer be suitable to front them. Obviously I cannot say why as it was never discussed, but safe to say I had felt for a while that things were no longer comfortable and they had wanted to move in a different direction (without me) for some time.

That was back in November 2019 and since then I have taken time to focus on some of the other elements in my life and also rediscover myself as a musician.

I have recently been embracing my acoustic based music and putting out videos on my youtube channel. These songs have been directly influenced by experiences over my first year (and a bit) of being transgender. The songs reflect some of the things I have had to go through, and also the love and support I have had from Kelly and the children, without whom I would probably not be here today!

I have performed a couple of times recently as a solo acoustic singer, which was scary! It’s strange to be on my own after so many years of performing with bands but I am now doing MY music, on MY terms, MY way and people seem to be enjoying it. I’m hopefully due to perform at a couple of Pride Events this year (as long as all this Coronavirus stuff clears up!) and honestly, I’m pretty excited to see where it goes.

To wrap it up, from my point of view, I have been widely accepted by those in the UK music scene, be it fans, other bands and promoters. I have had a lot of meaningful conversations with people who say they see me as an inspiration (I do not, but hope that I can help some people) and also been able to meet some lovely people. I won’t lie, it has been difficult for me trying to get a new band together (is this because I’m transgender? I don’t know!) and it has kind of forced me to focus on going solo, but maybe this is my path for now.

I think the thing we all need to realise, is that all people are people, regardless of gender, skin colour, religious beliefs etc and music is music. We can all connect in some way with music and all have varied tastes. I just hope that I can continue to make music and sing for me (and the world) forever and people can find connections with my music. The world always needs more music, and is in need of more transgender musicians to act as role-models for the next generation.

Let’s all keep supporting music, and people.

Zoey xxx