11 Tips: Supporting Someone Who Is Transgender (Even When You’re Struggling)
Hello folks, hope you’re all well. I thought it was a good time to transfer our vlog ‘Supporting Someone Who Is Transgender (Even When You’re Struggling with the News)’ and share it here on the blog. We hope it helps…
11 Tips Supporting Someone Who Is Transgender (Even When You’re Struggling with the News)
#1
Firstly, the biggest thing you need to remember, when someone comes out to you as transgender is…
It’s not about you.
You aren’t going through it, you aren’t going to have to deal with the world at large, day in day out. You aren’t going to have to attend doctor’s appointments and talk about your feelings to a stranger, you aren’t going to have people ridicule you or reject you…
Yes, you might have to have to adjust, and you might find the news difficult (mostly because of the world we live in and societal conditioning), but it really isn’t about you…
Everyone’s feelings are valid, BUT you need to focus less on yourself and more on the person who trusts you. They need support, love and kindness. Pop over for a cuppa, check up on them, go shopping, but don’t be a d***.
I’m not disregarding your feelings, but the person that’s just come out to you has trusted you with this news. They’ve been holding onto it for the whole of their lives, because…
#2
Remember, it’s not new to them, it’s only new to you.
Yes, I admit I was a bit spun out at first, but instead of being swallowed into a void of selfishness, I chose to embrace the news. We went shopping, we talked, we spent time together figuring things out…
So I guess, what I’m trying to say is, a bit of a reality check is needed.
You see, the reality is that the person in question can either be a different version of themselves, or they might end up killing themselves. I’ve always said, I’d much rather have a living wife than a dead husband. The suicide rates are high, and according to this Stonewall report, more than 48% of trans people have attempted to commit suicide. If that doesn’t shock you, then I’d be very worried…
#3
Show some support.
In the beginning I’d wake up and think, ‘Oh okay, Zoey’s Zoey now…’ It would take a few seconds to process, but then we’d just get on with our day. These days it doesn’t pop into my head. She’s Zoey. FACT. And I love her.
BUT, even to this day…
She has to wake up and think, ‘Who will give me sh** today? Who will look at me? How will I get through the day?’
What she (and every other transgender person in the early days) needs us to say is: ‘You got this!’ ‘You’re gonna rock it!, not ‘Oh how do I feel? What about ME?’
If you’re feeling consumed about the news, then I’d suggest you…
#4
Find someone else you can talk to, to help you cope. Then come back with energy and a positive mindset, to support and champion the trans person in your life.
#5
Ask questions…
Zoey has always been open to questions, so I think keeping an open dialogue can be soooo useful. Ask questions, learn something new, show your support by not running away from the news.
#6
A big tip for supporting someone who is transgender, would be to imagine how they might feel. How do you identify? Can you imagine being in a different body? This might give you a sense of how a trans person might feel…
I for one wouldn’t want to be in a male body, it wouldn’t feel right at all!
Try to imagine how they must feel and what they’re going through. It will be extremely daunting and emotional, so try to empathise.
#7
Really think about how it affects you. Does it change your life? Does it REALLY change your life? Probably not, so be kind.
#8
Do something kind. Get them a little gift, take them for lunch, book a spa date. Just do something nice.
#9
Join online groups and forums for chat and advice. It can really help and form new circles and you might make a few very good friends…
#10
Remember it’s not a choice. This is who they are, who they’ve always been. Don’t forget that.
#11
Be there.
What I’m trying to say is, really get a grip on perspective. Get a grip on you and the person involved. It’s change, but it’s a good change. And you need to embrace it to move forward…
Even on the bad days, Zoey is happier, calmer, and the real person she’s always been. She’s true, beautiful and such a wonderful person to be around. It feels like a switch has been flicked, the light is on and it’s amazing…
We hope you’ve enjoyed reading our 11 tips on supporting someone who is transgender, and we hope it helps you or someone you may know. Let us know your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to check out our vlog to go with this post below…
